How to cheat when Eragon is your teacher
by 4supernaturalgirl
Summary: How can you cheat in a class when Eragon and Murtagh are your teachers? Well...that’s easy...specually since its not just me now! Lets just say this is Eragon and Murtagh's worst nightmare times 5!
1. A deals a deal so use my knowledge!

How do to cheat when Eragon is your teacher.  
How can you cheat in a class with only you when Eragon and Murtagh are your teachers? Well…that's easy…Guys I wouldn't suggest reading this, but it IS FUNNY!  
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**A/N**: every so often I might put a small story to go with one of the listed ideas. But then again I might put a little story with all of them. It doesn't make much of a difference to me. 

Okay how do you cheat when its only you with Eragon and Murtagh as your teachers? It would have been easy IF they where normal people but NO they had to be Dragon Riders, and so for any of you future students of Eragon and Murtagh I have designed a list of things you can us.

WARNING!!!! Most of these can only work if you're a GIRL!  
And don't worry I've tested all of them. But I wouldn't suggest doing them to many times there is a chance they might catch on.

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**Go to class naked**, Eragon had just assigned me an impossible quiz that included lifting Saphira, he did give me an entire week to prepare but I forgot.

So I went into class butt naked, Eragon had stared at my with his mouth open forming a huge O.

"Hello Eragon" I said giving him a little wave before sitting down on the grass and trying to life Saphira, long story short, I aced my quiz.

**Strip down to a bikini**, Murtagh was being particularly evil that day assigning me about five projects that had to be done the very next day. I knew that it was going to be hopeless to pass the test (also due the next day) so I had to do something FAST!

I knew me walking into Murtagh's class naked wouldn't work, since he probably wouldn't notice, he'd probably only look up see my head then look back down at his desk, nodding towards the exact same chair I had to sit in every single day.

So when I had to go into his class the next day I was fully clothed looking solemn.

"Wow its hot in here" I said touching my head, I then stood up to Murtagh's distress and pulled off my shirt and tugging my pants off, only my bikini was left on.

Murtagh passed everything even my invisible panting of Thorn, It was totally AWESOME!

**Dragon ate my homework**, Eragon is a very forgiving teacher and I knew it, so when he had me to write fifty pages of history in the Ancient Language I decided to take action.

Tori (my dragon) flew in looking quite hungry, so I mixed a bunch of paper into her food and then CHOMP, CHOMP!

When I walked out to Eragon's class I apologetically explained to him that Tori ate my homework, of course she despised me for feeding her paper because it really messed up her digestive system.

**Blood**, I was really mad at Murtagh for making me jump off Tori and land on Thorn, it was quite challenging and he made me do it ten times, I am still bruised to this day.

So I cut my arm (it hurt but did the trick) and stumbled out to Eragon "Eragon" I cried hoarsely, he looked up and right then my eyes rolled back.

After that Murtagh didn't press me over my breaking point.

**Crying,** Eragon has a weak spot for girls when they cry. (another thing that I magically know) So when Arya made me particularly miserable I walked into Eragon's class, he started talking and I burst into tears.

He said I could go back to bed it looked like I was having a bad day.

**Period**, I had LOTS of fun with this one. I got my period, and loads of cramps, so I decided I shouldn't have to train in the state I was in. So I walked into class and both Murtagh, and Eragon were there so I started sobbing and telling them the WHOLE process of the period.

The blood.

Why the blood was there.

Where the blood was coming from.

How I was feeling.

Who did this to ME??? Still haven't figured that one out but anyway.

What the blood was.

When it comes, and that it was there then. They were green when I was done, and said I could take the WHOLE month off.

**Paralysis**, I didn't want to do school, so I thought up a REALLY good tale to tell the wanna-be teachers why I couldn't do school.

I had parcel paralyses, when the duo came storming into my room, all billowing cloak and angry faces, I went limp.

Both Eragon and Murtagh started attacking me with questions, all I did was write on a small chalkboard, they both shut up when they read it.

"Well if that's true" Murtagh hissed "then you can stay in bed for a whole week" I guess he meant it as a punishment but I LOVED IT! The best week of just resting, it felt amazing.

**Diarrhea**, Eragon decided that I needed to have fun with the elves, you know stuff like an ENTIRE WEEK OF FIGHTING WITH THEM!!!! Real fun.  
But of course they were going to have to supervise, I swear they think I'm five!

So I put some herbs into Saphira and Thorns food that gives um terrible diarrhea.

So most of the week I was suppose to be fighting with the Elves I was entertaining myself with watching my teachers running around desperately trying to get rid of of the acid before it ruined the ground.

"Emerald why don't you come down here and help us!" Murtagh called, he was in a very bad mood, and Thorn wasn't looking so good either.

"Did any of you hear that?" I asked putting my hand to my ear, both boys looked at me questioningly "I think Tori's calling me….yup she is turns out she's got the same bug…got to fly boys" I jumped down from the wall I had been sitting on and took off at a run away from them.

**Troubles with a brother**, So Eragon and Murtagh where both sitting in Murtagh's class room because it was raining outside, Eragon didn't like being stuck inside but there he was sitting in the classroom all sulky.

When I took my seat Eragon forced out a smile as Murtagh rolled his beautiful eyes, "Did you do anything special this weekend Emerald?" Eragon asked awkwardly.

"Oh yeah!" I exclaimed then jumped right into my story that I had made up that very night. "Well I went and visited my brother, and he started to get on my nervous A LOT!" both boys seemed interested, "then he painted Tori's butt orange, so I tied him to a chair and took this out-" I pulled out a completely blunt knife "-and started doing this on him-" I stared doing sawing motions "and now…" I gave a long sigh "He's a unique" both boys mouths dropped open and they simply stared at me.

"We've created a monster" Murtagh said still staring.

**Roran (Oops) WARNING DO NOT DO THIS ONE!!!**, I flopped into my seat again both Eragon and Murtagh where in Murtagh's class room, "So" Murtagh prompted.

"Did I do anything special over the weekend?" I asked, I touched my chin casually, right then a very evil idea popped into my head, a devilish smile covered my face "Me and Roran had some…." I giggled "fun" I then seductively touched my neck craning it back.

"Fun?" Eragon asked his eyes looked like they were on fire.

"You know-" another giggle "-we kissed he told me how much he loved me and ooh he is an amazing kisser…" I touched my lips closing my eyes as if to conger up an image, but I'd barely met Roran so how he looked a little fussy.

Eragon was clutching the table so tightly that his knuckles had gone white "And exactly what did you do?" Eragon hissed.

I smiled "Everything and anything…he was-" I gave a long sigh "amazing"

Roran nearly died, but I was the one who got into BIG trouble for that little…um…stunt.

**Pregnant**, Murtagh glanced up from his paper work one day to eye me casually "What's wrong?" he asked looking at me with the most judgmental eyes.

"Murtagh" I said trying to sound very miserable "I'm pregnant" Murtagh's mouth dropped and he simply stared at me.

Finally he asked "Wh-who's baby is it?" he asked.

"Eragon's" I answered looking out the window dreamily "It was so romantic"

Murtagh wasn't very pleased when he found out that I had been joking again. I had gotten a good laugh but Murtagh didn't like me very much.

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Soo?? What did you think? R&R the more reviews the sooner I can update, and the sooner you can LOL!

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	2. evilness has a new name

- Evilness has a new name -  
**A/N**: Thanks a ton to my reviewers I mean ten reviews in three days I just had to update sooner then I usually do!!! I know its super funny so here goes my second chapter (with more stuff guys can do) so here it comes! the second chapter to HOW TO CHEAT WHEN ERAGON'S YOUR TEACHER 

**Disclaimer**: still don't own much….although I totally agree with Du.Sundavar.Brisingr Eragon is totally HOT!!!!

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**Pills**, I felt distraught the day I came up with a new and very evil thing to do to my teachers. It was extremely simple, I begged Angela to give me certain pills which I then dumped in both Eragon and Murtagh's drink.

When I went into class that morning both my teachers looked extremely uncomfortable "Eragon, Murtagh?" I asked "is everything alright?" I could barely keep the smile off my face, they where sitting in very awkward positions both struggling to remain sitting.

With gritted teeth Murtagh hissed "Go back to your room now before I bloody kill you!" and that was that.

Missing chalk board, Murtagh loved to right stuff on chalk boards so what do you do when he threatens to give you a huge test which your completely unprepared for? that's easy….steal the chalk board!

Murtagh waltzed into class just like he always does then instantly started glaring at me "Where is the chalk board?" he asked in a calm and very evil voice.

"I don't know" I replied in my innocent way, his hands curled into fists and, I swear, his eyes seemed to burst into flames.

When I left class I was covered in chalk from head to toe Murtagh had written all over me, I was regretting a little bit about steeling the chalk board but only because I now had to shower before going to Eragon's class.

**Personal hygiene**, Out in Eragon's garden I found myself extremely distracted, "Emerald" Eragon snapped, I jumped glaring at him.

"What?" I growled narrowing my eyes in a challenging way, that's when I got the idea "I haven't showered for two weeks" I said in a rush.

Eragon looked at me like I was an idiot "You what?" he asked, slowly a smile crept across my face and I whispered a spell under my breath, suddenly I smelled like horse poop.

"I haven't showered in two weeks" I repeated "does that bother you?" his mouth dropped open and his eyes widened quite a lot, I bet he could barely keep himself from covering his noise.

"Ery dear why do you look so surprised?" I asked. Eragon forced me to shower seven times that day and for about a month he would start the class by asking me if I'd showered or not.

**Statue**, it took a lot of work but I managed to create an exact replica of myself, I then placed it in Murtagh's class, I spent the day walking around playing with Tori doing stuff that was actually fun, while the whole I time I kept expecting both men to cry my name in pure irritation.

But it never happened.

I walked into view of where my classes take place to see both Eragon and Murtagh discussing something, I ran down the hill and joined them.

"How did you get out here so fast?" Eragon asked not exactly showing curiosity.

"You guys didn't figure it out did you?" I asked barely able to keep the smirk off my face.

"do the spell…" Murtagh trailed off giving me a scrutinizing glare "didn't figure what out?" he asked.

They crushed the statue of me both smiling cruelly as they did it, I was never again aloud to do something like that, and I had to do two lessons the next day.

**Faces**, I went outside joining Eragon in the grass, he began his lesson but the whole time I remained sitting away from him. "Emerald please" Eragon finally said, and when I turned around he yelped jumping to his feet.

My face was completely distorted with blood dripping out of my mouth my noise was running and huge, my eyes where crossed and blood shot and Eragon could not stop staring.

"What is it?" I asked more blood dripping from my mouth, Eragon blinked rapidly before saying.

"E-Emerald I-I think maybe y-you sh-should umm…" I then dropped the spell and Eragon let out a breath he had been holding.

Of course I was punished but it was worth the horrified expression on Eragon's face.

**Tori goes puff**, I blame this one purely on Murtagh forcing me into casting a spell that I had no idea how to do.

The next thing that happened was Tori who was looking in threw the huge windows went puff pink gas floated where she should have been "MURTAGH!" I screeched jumping to my feet "What did you do to her?"

We spent the next five days searching for her and when we found her she was flying upside down around and around in a huge cave, we had no idea why.

Needless to say we never tried that spell again, and plus Eragon and Murtagh gave me the day off so I could 're-bond' with Tori.

**Dead**, there is only one escape from Eragon and Murtagh when there both extremely angry at you, and that is death.

Eragon forced me to slip into a very uncomfortable saddle on Tori, and then sent us flying, I set the spell up quickly, the second we evened out I let out a gasp and let myself drop.

My mind was ripped from my body, I didn't feel anything but I watched the whole thing.

Both Eragon and Murtagh looked horrified when they couldn't make me wake up "She's dead" Murtagh said quietly.

The next two days I was laid in a bed, I could not for the life of me remember what the spell was to fix all this.

Eragon and Murtagh remained in a corner while a mixture of elves and humans offered condolences to my death, everybody mentioned what a good girl I was, and I began to wonder if I wasn't doing enough to show just the opposite.

Finally everything was set up for my funeral and they placed me in a coffin setting me up in a beautiful room with flowers everywhere, I stood next to my limp and very dead body still trying to figure out what the spell was.

Eragon, Murtagh, and Arya where leaning over my body looking at my closed eyes and gentle face when I remembered what the spell was.

I jumped up in down with pure joy, I screamed the spell out. My eyes snapped open and I sat up.

Arya actually screamed while both my teachers looked horrified, grateful, and angry Eragon the proceeded in fainting.

"I'm ALIVE!" yes I was alive but if Murtagh had anything to say about it I would soon truly be dead "Thank God!" I screamed again "You have no idea how hard that spell is" my hand flew to my mouth, Murtagh was now just angry at me and I was seriously in for it.

**Counting my ABC's**, everybody thought I was smart, and that I was extremely lucky to be being taught by Eragon and Murtagh, of course it was only natural that I didn't agree at all.

So when we where invited to dine with the Varden I decided I would show everybody just how great my teachers where. Eragon and Murtagh had taken there seats, in fact everybody was sitting.

I jumped to my feet and exclaimed "I cant count my ABC's!" I screamed "but my numbers can be sang!"

Everybody gasped, Murtagh's hand curled into a fist as his face clouded over with anger, Eragon looked quite distressed and everything was silent.

When I got back both Eragon and Murtagh forced me to memorize the alphabet in twenty different languages, and my numbers in four different languages, it was horrible but I was able to go threw with it remembering how distressed Eragon had looked.

**Clothing**, I was standing outside Eragon's room when I wondered how I could torture him outside the class room.

I opened his door charging in, I then proceeded in ripping apart all his clothes like an insane dog, I threw them through out the room randomly, then dumped water on all his socks.

I then left Eragon's room as it was Eragon caught on quite quickly, and to my anguish he was sitting in the grass with his clothes on looking completely normal.

I was quite disappointed but Eragon made sure I knew that he knew what I had done.

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Okay please R&R more! Its great that so many people R&R on my first chapter and I would love twenty reviews! Oh and Emerald has green eyes. Just thought I might throw that out there, and if I wrote something contrary to that then ignore it and image Emerald with green eyes! So there it was...I hope your not sad or anything...I also hope you never stopped laughing just because I'm evil!


	3. Creations!

Note to my reviewers (P.S I just want to mention you people...  
To alsdssg: Your right by all means Emerald really should be dead! But I'll tell you why she isn't dead yet in the next chapter!  
To Dragon-Rider-Murtagh: yeah Murtagh would seriously kill her then hide all the evidence...but I don't think she'll try that spell again.  
To Mare The Dream Reaper: I think I did more for guys...but I'm not sure...

To Emberseve: Hearing that I made you laugh that hard is so awesome! I love making people laugh...and I hope you laugh just as hard on this next chapter! And everybody I don't mention you guys are still awesome!

**Disclaimer:** last time I looked I still didn't find anything about me owning Eragon or anything, but I do own Emerald and Tori, and the school...so hands off!

**A/N**: All my reviews your all awesome and totally amazing with being cool and not flaming on me for doing something wrong...anyways you guys are the reason I just keep writing (and the fact that I get a kick out of thinking up the ideas) and as long as you guys keep asking for more I'll keeping producing. I listened to the Night Santa Went Crazy when I wrote some of this chapter trust me you should check this song out its hilarious! ((I don't own that song either))

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**Lemons**, I decided to be genuinely nice and make dinner for my great teachers, they had no idea that I had soaked the chicken (for Murtagh because Eragon refuses to eat meat which I think is very odd) all the vegetables that were to be put into my great dinner all in lemon juice for three days.

Eragon and Murtagh had watched me make it just to make sure there was no funny biasness going on. Little did they know of my evil plan.

I put the chicken down on the table with all the veggies, Saphira looked down at her plate covered in chicken, then they bit in, my serving had absolutely no lemon on it.

Eragon was the first to pucker, Murtagh jumped to his feet shaking his head viscously "Oh" he said Eragon instantly grabbed his water which had tons of lemon in it and chugged it.

His eyes watered and they both glared at me. I don't think I was ever aloud to make dinner again, or anything at all, lemon unfortunately did terrible things to Saphira's digestive system, and I don't think anybody ever gave Saphira a lemon again.

**Silly me...**, my memory that day was not at its best, so when I went out to Eragon's class I got lost on _accident_.

When Murtagh and Eragon finally found me they both got this extremely angry look on there face and started saying stuff like "You had us worried" and "Why would you do that?" isn't it obvious? Well I'll explain why I would do that, its because I don't like school! **DUH!!!**

"Oh...Silly me!" I said putting a finger to my lip and looking up at the blue sky "I got lost" they didn't exactly believe me but Eragon and Murtagh cut their lessons short and led me back to my room with their hands bruising my arms and I had no idea why.

**Giant fly eaters**, I don't know exactly how I came up with this one but somehow it popped into my head to have a giant fly eater eat Murtagh and Eragon...it wasn't like I _didn't like_ my teachers it was just I _wanted to see_ if it actually worked...as a _weapon_ or something like that.

So as Murtagh and Eragon were both walking towards the barn holding their horses I uttered the spell and the fly eater suddenly turned into a giant fly eater...about the size of the old elf's dragon.

"Okay this is what you do...eat them" I said pointing towards Eragon and Murtagh, the fly eater dropped its massive flower head and started eating the duo...unfortunately it didn't quite finish the job.

Eragon and Murtagh where very angry with me...I should leave it at that...

**Third person**, Eragon was rambling on about how to open my mind to everything...but for some reason all I was able to do was tare up the grass around me.

"Eragon..." I trailed off "Emerald thinks this class should be over"

Eragon stared at me with a very bewildered expression on his face. After that I talked to my self in a third person. Soon Murtagh got annoyed and put a spell over me so I couldn't speak at all. And I think that's why I made the giant fly eater...but one cant be to sure...

**My creativity**, Murtagh and Eragon got the bright idea that they would give the Varden a tour of were I'm trained. My living quarters and stuff like that, and they wanted me to clean up my room.

And since Murtagh had ordered me to clean my room I made it messier.

When the Varden finally arrived with the 'I'm better then you bow down to me' queen of the elves in toe I gladly showed them my room.

It was splattered with paint that looked like dirt, smell a lot like a barn with a stray bed and clothes everywhere...and oddly enough...sand on the ground. I had no idea how sand go on the ground...

Everyone had a horrified expression on there face like it was a big deal I was living in a trash pit like this "are these your normal living quarters?" a black girl asked...I wasn't sure what her name was but I knew she was powerful or tried to act like she was powerful but really wasnt.

"I don't know where else I could live" I replied with a happy grin.

Neither of my _bright _teachers ordered me to clean my room again...or if they did they watched me clean it.

**Sleepy time**, I thought Murtagh needed a nap when I stumbled into class that morning, so halve way into my lesson I put a sleeping spell over Murtagh that I didn't know how to fix.

It took two weeks, and four days for me to remember the correct spell, and when Murtagh woke up he was almost cheerful...and all he needed was two weeks four days of sleep!...well he was almost cheerful so next time I'll have to try four weeks and two days of sleep!!!

**Sweeter then honey!**, my little brother had the biggest eyes anyone could ever see I mean he's got watermelon sized eyes, and when he looked up at me with his watermelon sized eyes twinkling so innocently and asked: "Can I go to class with you?" what was I suppose to say?? I mean a simple "no" just won't cut it...not when you're dealing with my brother.

So we walked into class hand and hand "Who's this?" Murtagh asked lazily eyeing us from behind his desk.

"Science" I replied. Murtagh didn't even blink, Science looked up at me and smiled hugely.

"Well since you guys gave me the day off I was hoping you and Eragon can handle the little guy for a little while...unless he's to much for my _big, strong, **smart**_, teachers to handle" I gave a little shrug to show I really didn't think they could handle Science.

Eragon crocked his head and shut his book with a snap "Well Emerald its no problem at all...have fun" he gave a happy smile.

I wanted to laugh evilly with my success, and so me and Tori had ton's of fun blowing up tree stumps in a canyon, but little did we know as we were having so much fun Eragon and Murtagh were...

Murtagh was nearly tarring his hair out trying to catch the little bugger, he was hiding under his desk and he knew it, it was just every time he tried to get to it the little brat would spray him with some liquid that Murtagh had concocted. Unfortunately that said liquid burned threw clothing and gave him harsh blisters.

Science laughed evilly as he dumped a generous lathering of the liquid on Eragon who basically danced into hiding.

"Come out, come out where ever you are" Science yelled throwing some of the liquid into the air before laughing evilly again.

Murtagh made a break for it, he burst from hiding scooped the kid up and pushed him outside.

Science turned on Murtagh smacking him upside the head "Why you little!" Murtagh yelled, he tried to tackle him but missed.

Science suddenly grabbed his shirt ripped it off and started swinging it above his head singing "stupid teachers can't catch me, nanananbooboo" to the tune of Oh Macdonald. It truly annoyed Murtagh that he couldn't just catch him with magic and dump the liquid on HIS head.

Finally he had, had enough, he turned to the little brat whispering a spell, suddenly Science got a twisted look on his face before screaming at the top of his lungs "HE'S TRYING TO KILL MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh Science!" I called, my little brother turned on his heels and ran towards me, Eragon and Murtagh's clothes where basically in tatters, a huge scratch ran from Eragon's eyebrow to his mouth.

"Are we going home?"

Well my point is Murtagh and Eragon slept in and didn't even talk to me for a while...I was a little hurt.

**Backward**, I was walking out to Eragons class on a nice sunny day. The kind that you think all the rabbits would be out and the birds would be singing...I would be hunting them...

But instead I was taking another lesson that made as much sense as eater chap-stick to make it last longer.

"Hello Emerald" Eragon said sitting Indian style. I plopped down next to him. That's when I remembered a knew spell that I had tried on a dog. It had been great.

I mumbled it under my breath looking up at the blue sky that hurt my eyes. A confused look passed over Eragons face before he said "tahw deneppah" I stared at him my jaw dropping to the ground before smiling devilishly.

_Hehe..._he was talking backward. "dlareme!" he exclaimed his face slowly turning read "xif ti!"

"I cant understand you" I said slowly standing up.

"tits nwod!"

"Go play?" I asked my smile ever so slowly increasing "Okay"

"on tahw!" Eragon jumped to his feet and started walking backward, a confused look was on his face as he tried harder to walk towards me but only walked backward faster. This hadn't happened to the dog but I found it incredibly funny.

**Tiny**, Ever wonder how you'd get out of a heavily guarded room without using magic on the guards...and turning invisible was out of the question because if my door just suddenly started to open the guards would know I was using magic.

So I thought of something better...two hours latter I knew exactly what I was going to do.

I sat cross-legged in the middle of my room, eyes narrow my hands out. _This isn't such a good idea...what if it happens to me to?_ I couldn't exactly imagine Tori suddenly becoming the size of a bee...although she was usually that annoying.

_Don't worry it wont_ I reassured her, she just snorted. I closed my eyes and focused.

I didn't feel anything for about two minuets, Finally I opened my eyes to see I was about one inch tall.

The down side to my plan was that there really was no spell that I could figure out to revuse the effects, so walking ALL the away to Murtagh was very, very difficult.

And all he did was shrink a sword and put me in a container full of ants. I have a new respect for the little red beasts. But when Eragon found me I pulled my crying thing on him and he let me off the hook...I'm soooo good.

**DON'T EAT ME!!!**, I didn't learn my lesson the first time on the shrinking trick. But I had a plan...I would shrink myself in Murtagh's office then memorize the test answers. Well that was what I had planned. So I shrunk myself on his desk but right as I was sneaking across the table Murtagh came in holding an apple.

He dropped the apple almost directly on top of me I jumped out of the way just in time to avoid becoming applesauce.

Murtagh scooped up the apple...some paper and me. We went out side me swinging and screaming holding onto the apple stem for dear life.

Thorn was curled into a ball but when he heard Murtagh approaching his head popped up and he snorted loudly. Murtagh smiled and threw the apple at Thorn.

Thorn opened his mouth and...I screamed the spell to reverse the effects of becoming mini me. I turned back into myself still flying right at Thorn "DON'T EAT ME!" I screamed flying straight at him. I stopped myself from going into his mouth by grabbing his teeth.

I was basically shaking from the effects of it all..."I-I-I won-t-t-t t-t-trrr-y-y thattt ag-ag-again"

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Thanks for being sooo patent. And I'm sorry for the delay...restituted the next chapter will be up soon! (The next chapters going to be easier not shorter but just easier...) R&R please! (And maybe send me a few ideas) 


	4. E M Interview!

**A/N:** This is going to be written in a different style then I usually write but┘it will probably be much funnier this way! Oh and the Interviewer is female!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my OC's

Interviewer: Alright, Eragon how would you describe Emerald.

Eragon: Umm...calm.

Murtagh: Hah! Are you kidding? That girl is INSANE!!! She'd make the stars fall from the sky if she could!!!

Eragon: Murtagh! that's why we've not given her that spell!

Murtagh: No! DUH!

Interviewer: Okay...uh...Murtagh how do you like to deal with Emerald when she miss behaves?

Murtagh: How would I like to deal with her? Kill her then make it look like an accident.

**_Eragon and Interviewer look shocked_**

Interviewer: No I said how _do_ you deal with her not how you would _like_ to deal with her.

Murtagh: I reverse the spell and tell her not to do it again...because he wont let me...**_grumbles_**

Interviewer: Eragon why wont you let Murtagh kill her?

Eragon: First because its morally wrong **_Murtagh is mimicking Eragon_** second because she is a dragon rider and we can't make it alright to kill dragon riders again. And third because she has a dragon and dragons die with their riders. **_mumbles_** unfortunately...

Murtagh: wimp...

_**Eragon whips out sword**_: TRATOR!

_**Murtagh draws out sword carefully**_: I'm so gonna beat you up!

Eragon: Oh yeah?

Murtagh: YEAH!!!

**_Interviewer clears throat nervously_**: Murtagh what is Emeralds favorite spell?

Murtagh: any thing that causes us pain...**_sees Eragon glaring at him hostilely_** and of course making cows poop sand paper.

Interviewer: Oh my goodness!

Eragon: She's never done that.

Murtagh: but I bet she would.

Eragon: That's why we don't give her certain spells.

Interviewer: Do you think she will grow out of her evil ways?

Eragon: I pray that she does.

Murtagh: Either that or we kill her!!

**_Eragon hits Murtagh in the ribs_** Murtagh: Owww

Interviewer: Is she going to be part of the Dragon Rider council??

Murtagh: Unfortunately...we kinda have to let her be part of the council...since she's the only other dragon rider out there as of yet...

Interviewer: have any of the dragons produced eggs yet.

Eragon: no not a one.

Interviewer: Is it true that Galbatorix was incorrect in his prediction that Tori was to be a male dragon?

Murtagh: UUUH NO DUH!!!

Eragon: I think it would have been better if Galbatorix had been right.

Murtagh: I agree...

Interviewer: Lets see...is Science, Emeralds little brother, the next evil genius?

Murtagh: I think its in their genetics to be evil...

Eragon: their really just misunderstood people...if you look beneath their evil and plotting ways you'll find nice, loving people.

Murtagh: What the heck! Why are you defending them??

Eragon: Because its true with everyone.

Murtagh: their the spawns of Galbatorix himself!!!

_**Interviewer is getting nervous Murtagh rips out sword and swings it around insanely nearly beheading the Interviewer but cuts chair in halve instead**_

Interviewer: I'm feeling threatened.

Eragon: I'm incredibly sorry he is usually a really nice guy.

**_Murtagh puts sword away and sits on broken chair_** Interviewer: alright what do the two of you like doing on your free days??

Murtagh: Hunting for Mary Sues to kill.

_**silence**_

Murtagh: OR trying to keep Emerald from blowing the world up.

Eragon: I...play chess with Saphira on my free days.

Interviewer: Umm...okay then...Its been a pleasure interviewing you two...**_Eragon and Murtagh get up to leave_**...Oh wait!!!I have one last question...are you two single???

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Alright I fear that this chapter is not extremely funny...I really REALLY hope it is funny. R&R please!


	5. EYES WIDE but not wide enough!

**A/N: **This chapter is (maybe) the last chapter of this...or maybe I'll change styles! Anyways its short...but hopefully funny.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing familiar to you!

* * *

**The curse,** I'm still not sure how I figured this one out. I think it was the mixture of several different spells...but the hours spent 'studying' all paid off when I finally dumped the spell on Eragon and Murtagh.

It was the curse of flatulence, of course I first tested it Saphira┘not a good idea, and I think she ruined the ozone when she let 'um rip.

Eragon and Murtagh let me have the day off because every time they went to speak they'd fart. And how can you be serious when all you here is this "I...frrrrtt...think...grrrrrrrfrrt...that...ttttooootttt...you should...frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt" it was worth sitting in class that entire day just to see them trying to speak and at the same time farting.

But them being the stiff guys that they are didn't think it was the least bit humorous like I did.

So their order to turn them back came out like this: "turn...frrrrt...us..." the one Murtagh let out nearly made me faint it smelled so bad and it sounded something like this "grrrrtttooooooootfrrrrrrrrt"

I was so remorseful...not...

**My woman**, This was one of the rare days when I was actually give the day off because I was suppose to have the day off. I was watching the really old elf dragon rider, I call Mr. O, tell his huge dragon to do something, when he suddenly froze and turned toward's me. Eragon and Murtagh suddenly appeared although I have no idea were they came from.

Murtagh grabbed my arm and pulled me toward's him "my woman" there was something really off about his voice it was almost like he was a cave man "mmmyyy woahman"

"No" Eragon said much louder then he needed to he also managed to hit me with spit "Mine!" he grabbed my arm pulling me toward's him but Murtagh was still holding on so I was torn between the two. Then Mr. O walked up to me and grabbed both my feet and started pulling me.

"Mine...Mine...Mine!" what's a girl suppose to do when three men are each pulling you in different directions? Well I did the stupid thing meaning I did nothing.

The next thing I new Murtagh pulled me so hard that I was flung straight into his arms, and let me tell you it worth it, he's so muscular...it was like to much blood hard rushed to my head. "Yeah Murtagh" I gushed "your woman"

"Mmmyyy woahman!" he said once again then did the most vulgar thing that has ever been done to me, he drug his tongue from my chin to my forehead. The moment when I thought he was the best thing ever was suddenly gone.

"BACK OFF BARBIE!" the voice bombed threw the valley then, dropping right out of the sky, came Thorn who grabbed me with one of his claws and picked me up bringing me to his face.

"Oh thank God-" I began but was interrupted by Thorns tongue giving me a head to toe lick.

Suddenly I flew up in my bed painting Its all a dream I told myself then fell back into my bed in pure relief. It had been so real... "Have you seen my woman?" someone in the hallway asked

And I screamed...

Needless to say I was so traumatized after my dream that Eragon and Murtagh gave me the week off. It was later discovered that Murtagh was the one that actually made me have the dream...

**LOVE!...**, So to my surprise Murtagh and Eragon were actually getting use to me playing my little pranks on them so I decided to mix it up...Which meant putting a spell on someone else.

Of course the first person I could think of was Arya that stuck up pretty elf. I had absolutely no idea Eragon liked her when I put this spell on her...because you know I'm just he type of gal to never ever get her nose into things that it doesn't beling in...

The second I murmured it, her eyes went wide, and I mean WIDE, like the size of her fist wide. She turned on her heel without picking her feet up and just stared at Eragon.

Eragon stopped writing and looked up his face the picture of confusion "Eragon" she gushed "I love you" and drool dripped from her chin when she said that, I had to bit my tongue to keep myself from howling with laughter. "Love me!" She exclaimed running at him with her hands waving in the air before they jerked down and suddenly Eragon was caught in a hug so tight his face started to turn red. Then she kissed him and wouldn't stop. I mean he pushed her away and walked away but she followed and kept kissing him. But after awhile I got bored with it and let her out of the spell while she was kissing a very shocked looking dog.

**EYES!**, "Murtagh" I said, he didn't even react instead he completely ignored me so...well lets just say I got creative and put an interesting spell on him, the spell basically made him look at me. Except it did better then I thought it would. He couldn't blink and his eyes were on me so much that it started creeping me out.

So I got a brilliant idea...I'd make him see things he wished he'd never see. Starting with a dwarf mooning him...

* * *

Okay so I have a question...I have two ideas...

1: bring in four other students to completely rip up Alegasia, with Eragon and Murtagh desperately trying to keep the country from trying to kill these five kids (including Emerald.)  
OR

2: bring in a hot, yet a major pain in the butt, guy to help Emerald make Eragon and Murtagh's life miserable! But end in like two chapters.  
I want you guys to vote...which one would you prefer, you vote by reviewing and saying 'I want 1' or 'I want 2' thanks. SO REVIEW!!!!


	6. You chose,, final words from our hero!

**A/N:** Hello readers! I'm rather surprised that you picked this one but I am also very excited...a new chapter is about ready to begin...I think a much more interesting and funny chapter in Emerald and Tori's story. Okay I got a few reviewers who wanted there characters to be part of this. So if you want to be a part of my story then this is what you need to do. First and most obvious review but put these things in it:

(you can put more then one in a review I don't mind I think it will be really exciting!)

1. It needs to be an interesting magical ability or creature that they own for the character/s (I don't want them all to be dragon rider only one more can be a dragon rider)

2. A short description of what they look like tattoos or stuff like that (a picture or something of that sort would help me out a lot)

3. A short description of what their like. (Anger issues, tendency to cry a lot, like to play jocks ECT...)

4. There age

5. What there static in life is (if there a prince that sort of thing)

6. If you want to nominate one of your own characters give me the name of the story and all of the above. If you want to nominate yourself and are not comfortable putting it in a review then I'll still need all of the above but you can PM me.

Just a final note...I need a hot guy because one of my dear reviewers said that I could just put the hot guy in with the 1st idea and so I am. And remember once you give your characters your completely giving me the ability to choose their fates. And I will give my thanks to you in the chapters.

(and because I cant just post a chapter with only an A/N this is a leaving farewell from Emerald)

**Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING FAMILIAR TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!  
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And so that is some ideas to how to cheat when Eragon's your teacher. Hopefully this can help you get by the grueling years before you.

Trust me it's a miracle I made it threw alive!

But as they say you'll thank them for it once its over. And I do. I thank them for not killing me since I am such an amazing and thoughtful dragon rider. People actually look up to me.

And Science...well Science is Science and he probably always will be. But we can always pray that he will grow out of being so darn evil.

Obviously since your reading this you have a dragon and are about to be trained by Murtagh and Eragon, you should use my experience (if your smart YOU'LL USE IT!)

But its all going to be alright, somehow, I have faith that you'll survive.

If you do, and I am really pressing the IF, come to see me. I mean I always love meeting new Dragon Riders. But if I'm dead...well I guess you can say hello to my gravestone.

I suppose I should go write down my other adventures, so alas I must leave you here! Goodbye for now.

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I might be coming out with an adventure for Science so be prepared! But remember I need that stuff...so please, please! Do it already!!!!


	7. The beginning to my new adventure

**A/N:** So I have to reveal the characters...I liked them all to be honest...  
1st...Aleka, nickname Aly, love this character, and her unicorn I decided would be named Hoof (I just like the name for a horse/unicorn for some reason!)

2nd...You have no idea how torturous this is...J. Wesly

3rd...Diamond or Star Sapphire (why not make it all both? Diamond The Star Sapphire ((Star for short)  
4th...UGH! Last guy...I hate myself for not letting all of your characters be main characters, but to make it up to you I'll bring tall of them in anyways (some of them might be bad guys sorry...) Alright here goes the last guy...Thomas And last but definitely not least my 5th choice...(drum role...) Melly Okay! if your character wasn't picked then you can do any of these things.  
1: ask me not to us that character in which case I would strongly urge you to bring into your own stories (even the ones I am using)  
2: your character can become a bad guy/girl

3: can become a friend

4: can become someone helping Eragon and Muztagh (also considered a bad guy by the characters) 5: become someone that helps the main characters, you know like randomly comes into the story and helps them out of a tight spot.  
6: can become a family member, someone that they may go to or something like that...  
Alright I only have one last thing to say before we dive into the new chapter of this adventure...do I have the permission to use the main characters in this story in a serious one that would be like this one simply serious, (I can put a summary up in the next chapter if your not sure...)

**Dislcaimer: **I literally own nothing...except Emerald and Tori!  
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Hi I'm back and this is the new chapter of my story. You didn't honestly think I'd leave you alone...ending my story at the end of 'How To Cheat When Eragons Your Teacher' did ya? Well I'm an interesting girl who always manages to get into trouble...so this time me and my new friends are ripping it up in Alagaise! This is my new adventure. So prepare yourself for the crazyness of my life.  
_♥Emerald♥_

So Eragon and Murtagh's school grew, who knows why, but all of sudden students that didn't even have dragons would show up and demand to be allowed into the school.

Their aren't very many students. But that's besides the fact.

Only one dragon egg has appeared and that egg has hatched...

But before I get to that let me introduce you to my new friends.

First: Aleka, or Aly to her friends, and her silver and white unicorn named Hoof, he supposedly talks but he's never talked to me...She has shoulder length blonde hair with bangs and gray eyes. She is tall and muscular. She is always wearing a necklace with this gem on it for no apparent reason...Aly likes to make trouble, but she's not very good at the whole playing-it-cool part and tends to laugh very loudly when she's nervous. Although she tends to laugh for no reason a lot anyways. And when she laughs I laugh...but that's perhaps why she was the first one I befriended.

She is 12 years old, but she's mature for her age and looks a lot older so many people mistake her for being 17. Which is really annoying since everyone says that she's the older one even though she's not.

Second: J. Wesly, or Wes to me, and his beautiful hawk Davie He is tall, blond with blue eyes. All the girls are crazy for him, because he is really sweet to them, at first I was crazy for him to but then I released that he was more then just a pretty face...he was rather gruesome and rough and tumble around the guys, and me. He's thirteen and four months...those four months have made a major difference let me tell you...

My third new friend is Diamond The Star Sapphire, she will not let us call her by her full name so we call her Star. She reads minds like me, but hers is more complex then a dragon riders, or at least that's what she claims. She has long, slightly wavy, dark brown hair, hazel eyes. She is Short, and thin, has two diamonds in the outer corners of eyes, hoop earrings and occasionally diamond studs but she considers it clichИ to wear diamonds since her name has diamond in it.

Her gray furred blue eyed husky named Darfina is an animal I personally would not want as my life time companion but since Star has the hole connected threw the mind thing she says that he is very interesting but I'm not quite sold...

Strangely she is a bookworm, she literally goes threw a book a day, and adores to use big words that I don't know the meanings to. And, if there is one near by and there usually is, will always get the dictionary or thesaurus out. Her not strange traits or kicking guy's butts, namely Wes's since she's friends with him, has swordswoman ship that nearly parallels mines and is good in karate. In short do not get her mad! because she can and will win.

My fourth is Thomas the next dragon rider and someone that I'm strangely attached to, he has a natural ability to control fire. Which means that he can accidentally make fire do stuff, horrible stuff... he has long, for a guy, red hair, green eyes, tall, and muscular, and he has one golden ring with ruby in his left ear, it catches the light in such an amazing way...he is astonishingly hot! all the girls like him, I think he has a secret crush on either Star or I but won't tell either of us guys can be so stubborn! But he makes up for it by being slightly (make that _very_) annoying.

Good at everything except horseback riding and swordsmanship, thus allowing Star to kick him around the practice courts. He usually makes the nearest flammable object catch fire when he loses his temper, which is very often to Eragon and Murtagh's dismay.

His red dragon, a slightly lighter color then Thorn, is named Agni which means fire. And he is a very perverted dragon...if that is possible...

He's 14 and loves to inform everyone that I'm a year younger then him!

Last but definitely not least is Melly. The dearest Pixie I've ever met in my entire life, she's great! She's amazing! She's spectacular! Just please do not get her mad...black shaggy shoulder length hair, really creepy pale blue eyes, and matching pale blue wings.

But none of that is what I like her for...its her temper its explosive, _literally_. My temper flares are nothing compared to hers. A small insult is the equivalent of her setting off a bomb.

Eragon and Murtagh have been driven mad by her, and that's why I love her. She doesn't have to do anything to make them basically crawl out of there skin. She's a spaz, or completely nuts, when she's not mad.

These are my new friends. So be afraid BE VERY AFRIAD!  
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This chapter isn't exactly meant to be all that funny but it'll get better I promise!!!


	8. Last nights filght

**A/N**: Sorry its taken me SOO long, I've just not needed a comical relief in awhile and now I do! But if this goes south I might resort back to the old ways (having my chosen characters remain because there awesome!) and also because I've been working on other stories. But a reviewer made me feel guilty for not working on the story so here goes!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!!!!

* * *

I was laying in my bed completely awake, because Tori's disturbing dream kept going threw my head. _Hey Emerald are you awake?_ It was certainly not Tori's voice in my head, I rolled my eyes and sat up. _No...go away_. There was a long silence I began to wonder if she was actually starting to think that my unconscious mind could answer her.

_Tomas wants to go make the elves angry_ to a normal person that would be the worst idea humanly possible since they could literally squash us; but to me a not-so-normal person it sounded rather fun. But me being a considerate person decided I would spare Eragon and Murtagh the stress.

So I got dressed and escaped, I say escaped because I have about seven guards guarding ever possible aria that could be used as an exit for me, much quicker then I normally did. The fact that Eragon and Murtagh thought that a couple of guards could keep me in my room was actually insulting.

_Tori, wake up!_ in return I got a grunt _TORI GET YOU'RE FAT BUTT UP AND GET OUT HERE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING **UNTHINKABLE TO YOU**!!!_ to this I got a reply.

_Alright I'm coming!_ Although her voice sounded rather scared and edgy it was still a reply. To think I could scare a big strong Dragon...it was unheard of. But just about unheard of as scaring my big, bad teachers (whom I trend to scare everyday.)

The next thing I new Tori was hovering over me I fully expected flames to be shooting out of her nostrils. But her being loyal chose not to turn me into human popcorn. Instead she nearly squished me with her tail then accidentally tried to decapitate me with her claws.

When I finally managed to get out of the grips of death I scrambled up onto her back and called _Bloody murder!!!_ As loud as mind talk would let me.

In return I got several curse words from Tomas and Star, Melly, Aly, and Wes I'm sure just about had their hearts in their mouths when I'd rudely awoken all of them.

_We're gonna go burn some Elvin trees wanna help?_ I exclaimed. If Murtagh and Eragon had been listening they would have been able to stop us. But they wernt so neather of them attempted to stop us.

I'm sure they would be angry in the morning when they had to come bail us out of the murderous hold of the elves. But that didn't come to mind as I flew twards Tomas and Star, who were waiting on a hill.

When we landed I did one of my flip-off-dragon-back-dragonriderish tricks landing flawlessly on my feet. Tomas was all smiles as Star was rubbing her hands together gleefully.

"I can't wait to see the elf queen ladies face when she finds out" I smiled with her. Just about as excited as she was. It didn't take long for Wes and his hawk to show up although I had absolulty no idea how he'd managed to get here so quickly.

Melly came flying in her face red with rage. I ducked my own head trying to scramble behind Tori before she saw me. I was unsuccessful.

"Emerald!" She steemed "don't ever, ever, ever do that again or I swear" her hands were shaking in a strangle hold in the air "I'll, I'll, I'll" and then she rambled off on all the painful way's she was going to kill me. After a while she calmed down enough for me to notice that Aly and Hoof had arrived.

That's when the horse for the first time in the entire time I'd known the creature opened its mouth and _spoke_ "ridiculous honestly. Aly why must we play along with their ludicrous and very ill thought threw plans?" were he'd learned such a high and mighty way of talking was a mystery to me.

I narrowed my eyes on Hoof thinking of a whitty comment to make back. None came to mind.

"Right are we gonna do this or what?" Wes asked. His hawks head was bobbing up and down like he agreed. I still had no idea how Wes managed to keep up with all of us. We all had useful creatures and he had a hawk.

As I stared at Davie expecting the hawk to suddenly reveal why he was useful to me it turned its little head towards me and for a second I thought that it might speak also.

"Yeah!! Lets go now!" Melly exclaimed her wings snapping out. She was in the air before I could even mount Tori. Wes and Aly rode together as Star tagged along with Tomas her wolf running at an alarming pace on the ground.

My view on animals had permanently been changed. Now anytime that I looked at an animal I would expect it to open its mouth like Hoof did and start talking in a very intelligent way.

When we reached the Elvin forest, which had a long name that I had forgotten we took a very long time in choosing the trees we would burn and an even longer time deciding how we would burn them.

It was an almost even tie between me using an explosion spell, the dragons blowing fire on them or making Melly mad enough to blow the trees up.

In the end we decided to us my spell.

And so we all went deep into the forest got onto a high place were we could watch the trees blow up and then _bang, bang, bang, bang_. Tree bark was flying and a couple other trees that we hadn't meant to make burst into fire also burst into fire.

And before we knew it we had managed to create a forest fire. And their we sat our mouths hanging nearly to the forest floor.

"I'm out of here!" were my only words and with that we scattered.

...Needless to say...we were planting trees for the next week...and all the elves wanted to kill us...and so did Eragon and Murtagh...but they wouldn't...because were special...and their not...

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Well...there...

Review!


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